thursday was my birthday, a very underwhelming, partner's bed-bound birthday/turkey day, lots of sickness and self mopiness and finally pulling through for magical miso and astro chat conversations. Life these days has been dramatic on many accounts, a lost job as of today and the final two week push for the end of my undergrad, lotsa cocks to be made by the tenth and total hopes of being distracted by someone wonderful and snuggly. Soon, a trip east for family, ligit excuses for boots and warm socks, and much anticipated reconnecting with my first queer friend ever. Till then, thinking about how bad i wanna work at that radical co-op bakery and move across the bay, and how bad i wanna perpetually snuggle up into one specific arm pit.

Call for submissions: "How to Fuck a Trans Woman" Reply To: fisty.cupcake@gmail.com

This is an open call for submissions; please forward to anyone who even might be interested.

Sex with trans women can be a challenging experience for new partners, and even for the trans woman in question. We learn things about our bodies as we go because there's no instruction manual, no guidebook for how we're supposed to be fucking. All sorts of assumptions about our bodies and how we have sex or fuck can keep potential lovers wary or from expressing the interest they feel for us. And we don't all fuck the same way, so even if someone has been with a few of us their experiences might be totally different and not helpful to the next, and the next.

It can be hard to name our bodies in ways that we feel are authentic but that also feel sexy. It can be difficult to claim our bodies and our pleasure for ourselves when we might not feel as much ownership for them as we would like. Sometimes, at least for me, I can feel very frustrated trying to explain myself through metaphor, analogy, and comparison because there simply is no vocabulary to explain my body the way I want to explain it.

I want to start a serious conversation between trans women to share information about how we're fucking, no matter who we're fucking or what fucking means to us. I'm not naive enough to believe that this hasn't been attempted before, but I am humble enough to admit that I haven't been successful at finding those previous efforts. I'm also smart enough to know that I can't be the only one out there who feels like she is routinely reinventing what should have, and probably was, already discovered, documented, and discussed. Old information is definitely welcome; this is about sharing information, not (necessarily) sharing new information.

This is a preliminary call for submissions for a pamphlet or zine, to be distributed as widely as possible in every and any format available, with very humble goals: to start a conversation about how trans women are having sex. This is meant to be a conversation that includes trans women and our lovers. It can be as specific as you like, and it is NOT a problem if you want to contribute anonymously. All sorts of contributions would be and will be valued, including drawings and schematics (!!!), sex stories about good sex, essays, "what to do" and "what not to do" lists, safer sex guides, ... anything really, but with the acknowledgment that while a lot of us will learn something about ourselves or find some really helpful advice, there's no one way to fuck a trans lady, any more than there's any one way to fuck anyone else. Our goal should be to learn as many ways to have good sex as possible.

The first issue of this zine will be distributed electronically and in print by request; submissions are due really really soon: July 21st for the first issue, which will be released August 1st, no matter how much or how little content has been collected.

Please send your contributions to M. Darling at: fisty.cupcake@gmail.com

so it's like 90 here today, clearly way too hot for appropriate clothing, oh well, i lasted almost a week! Teeth cleaning today and when the dentist asked what color toothbrush i wanted I said lavender and she goes "you and all the old ladies"

you have no fucking clue sweetiepie.

i'm totally in boston and wearing a tshirt! Ahhh! I brought slutty tanks to tease me, and my boobs are screaming to make an appearance already! Food network is on and i've assumed the position in front, feeling lethargic and antsy to see T

things went very well with the letter, sent it this morning-ish right before i left for work, got a lot of emails back (from everyone/each pair/couple/fam of cousins except one...) and nothing but love and support and positive energy, which is so wonderful and totally makes me emotional. I couldn't wait and made ben check my email for me and read them to me over the phone. Good stuff. One cousin and his wife called to chat and offer support over the phone which was great, feeling really good about it all. Parents on the other hand are all stressed out again, which seems to be typical every time i bring this stuff up to them, but the cousin who called said they wanna call my parents and tell them how behind me they are, so rad! Ya ya, making this trip back on thursday feel a little less anxiety-inducing.

http://www.makezine.enoughenough.org/boots.html

from the anthology "From the Inside Out: FTM and Beyond" ed. Morty Diamond

oops, forgot to mention that wed is passover, and i'm going to a sedar at hil's, naturally i'm working on some vegan options, and i'm thinking-

http://vegetarian.about.com/od/maindishentreerecipes/r/vegansweetkugel.htm
http://vegetarian.about.com/od/sidevegetabledishes/r/beetcasserole.htm

yum yum!

tot got double ditched tonight and crushing in a bad way on a few people who are seeming to be more frustrating than anything, BLAHHH lentil burgers here i come, uhg

oh my god it's so cold and the warm shower awaits me! Today was this weird day of processing with H under the covers, then getting to school and feeling really grumpy about not wanting to work, but I did in fact get quite a bit done on a piece I'm working on, while simultaneously complaining to everyone my desire to finish school and get a rad job and just do stuff that feels more relevant. Wine from the diego opening helping pump out work, and I have some blah-ish ideas for the rest of the semester, maybe (hopefully) something magical will come to me over spring break (more about that in a sec). After school, I went to D's new apt for dinner, we shmoozed a lot and talked dreamily of portland and his cute boyfriend, and ate pasta and endless salad, it was great.

So my big thing as of now is how exciting not-school life is getting, the internship at MCVF rocks my world and I'm getting really involved which feels really delish, on top of that, I'm gunna go watch a porn premiere in a theater (yess), a birthday party of saturday with an old friend, opening show at MCVF (complete with babelicisous naked mennnnss) and my little brother is coming to visit all next week, and then S is coming the week after! Ridiculous! On top of that, I discussed with my dad my overwhelming current obsession to make sex toys as a career, and he didn't even freak out, BLOWING MY MIND

Anyway, I should totally go jump in the shower and cleanse, give myself a shot, and crashhh as i have a long long day tomorrow!

uhg i can't get enough, I literally just sliced up a lemon into wedges and ate it like an orange, so good! I get the salt-spiro thing, but what is it with tartness?

Uhg, gotta get up like, now and start getting ready to go into the voice factory, gotta do some intern stuff early today, and I showed my true cheap date colors at my boss's wedding reception last night, where I had 3? maybe four glasses of wine and then convinced all my coworkers to do a group rendition of 1999 as our wedding song, it was good though, bc we totally split the parts up, and if I wasn't drunk, I'm sure I would've gotta all nostalgic for watching this music video on MTV when i was 5 and thinking Prince was god.
(thanks for that, A)
It was a fun party, although the massive amount of straight, cis friends of the bride/groom made my excessively velvet outfit a little awkward, but my managers were in full prom regala, so it wasn't terrible, it just would've been nice to have another queer to keep me company. Oh well. Off to drink coffee and gather myself before work/phone call making time! Yay!

Dear Livejournal,

I totally have to be honest with you (because that's the kind of girl I am, and that's how our relationship works, right?) I'm cheating on you, I'm so freaked out about this honestly/openness thing, that I've been spilling it all to my email, printing it (!!! I know, i know) and then shoving it into my little notebook to save for later. I'm totally ashamed. I swear it's not you, well, okay, it's kind of you, and I want to remain friends, and maybe we can revisit some intimacy in the future, but not right now, it's just not a good time. Sorry.

Best Wishes (maya told me never to sign a love letter like this, but it seems appropriate here, what do you think?),

Nicki

um, the pointer sisters are so incredible, I've been running to only them lately, and this is my new fave jam, will someone slow dance with me to this song? We have to wear these outfits though...

It's hard not to be bitter, but a hefty dose of dee-lite and a long work day ending in cheep beer and yazoo dance parties and a nice phone call from someone made it not so terrible. There was much (a little too much) chocolate to be eaten as well, but that's a given right?

Everyone say LOVE!

I have crazy procrastination this semester, I really can't buckle down and work, I've been procrastinating for a half hour now just doing nothing, surfing around online, AHHH I'm going to the couch to read. NOW. SERIOUSLY. Got a lot done in the studio today, threads deadline on saturday and I think it's gunna be down to the line, like literally staying up late on friday and finishing app materials, pieces to be finished and photographed friday afternoon, AHH! All this productivity studio-wise makes me not wanna do the academics, mainly bc sculpture history only barely tickles my fancy, how about craft history,? YEAH! If my school doesn't go down the drain and/or i don't kill myself from the lack of decent peers, I'll come back and craft that shit up. Oh god, what am I talking about, READING. NOW. BYE.

from here: http://community.livejournal.com/transgender/1873838.html?#cutid1

".. keep in mind that gender is a social construct anyway (which isn't to say that it doesn't exist but rather that it only exists in the way we understand it because humans have stated that it does exist and defined how it exists), and so it could be suggested that more important or accurate than trying to figure out what gender you "really" are is figuring out how you can best interact with the world on gendered terms for both your personal sanity in self-expression and your interpersonal sanity in being understood to be who you are. If it's important and healthy for you to interact with people as a woman, [then that is the priority] .."

I really like this vid, adele is really gorgeous-
http://current.com/items/89405000_i_m_80_girl_20_boy